punch drunk love

OH?.

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:22:00 +0000

IDK but he made me feel better. OH he was the ugliest person I've ever seen, the fattest and the person who really needs comfort. OH well, maybe I was just careless, by ribcage was close to being donated. YEAH that hurts. SELF CONTROL hurts. SEEING you hurts the most.

UHHH, who you?

:)

badtrip

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 07:05:00 +0000

Thank you for ruining my day. Bakit ganon dati masaya kang nakikita ang anino nya pero ngayon unti-unti mo na syang kinasusuklaman. O baka ngayon lang to sa araw na to? Hindi ko na alam kung anong dapat maramdaman. BOOHOO. Galit tayo.

Dyan ka na. Baboo!

semi-drunk

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 02:43:00 +0000

Oh well I was semi-drunk last night. Better than the real suicide of drinking a lot, its cool to be semi-drunk! Lovet! I'm still thinking of you, but that's okay. Anyways, my mom is asking for my blood type. A nearby friend will be undergoing an operation and she said they need type O blood. Oh no I've been drinking too much lately and I can't donate blood, right? Is that right? Haha don't know. I'm afraid to know.

If your heart was really broken, you'd be dead.

Please visit my grave. If ever.

Pacman

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 10:50:00 +0000

Today was the much awaited Pacquiao VS Cotto fight. Once again, Pacman won and proved that he deserves to be called a legend in boxing with 7 titles under his belt. In his previous fights, I was not really interested but this one was really a good fight. Thank you for the live streaming on the web. All of us were really proud of him and the victory. I just hope that he change his mind and don't run for politics because that would be, uhh, not good. Haha. Pacman made history again, and I love twitter for today. Been so active so sorry if you don't like what I'm posting. HAHA.

There you go! Also, congratulations to Cotto for showing such great sportsmanship. I hope you'll get back your face again :)

Aside from the fight, my day was just right. I've been picking up myself again. Happy :)

fireflies

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 16:47:00 +0000

WARNING: Blog content not suitable for very young audiences. PARENTAL GUIDANCE IS STRONGLY RECOMMENDED!

Sorry talaga. I can't help it. I need to vent out and I'll do it here!!! Pasintabi sa mga kumakain!

Here we go again.

I was enjoying my night with a friend then saw someone I was avoiding. The memories came crashing and flashing like the Ondoy flood. Unstoppable. Intense. That person was with another one, and from my set of standards, that was below the level. (if you know leveling!) FREAK! You look good naman together, walang lugi!! WAHAHAHA super balance. I will be mean, mind you. Meaner than before! I will be like someone you don't even know. I will be bitter. LOLOLOL! Nag-aapoy na tong blog ko eh nooooh, pakibuhusan na lang ng tubig pag umusok ang screen mo!! TANGINAAAA MONG MALUTONG YAN AH! (pati na rin sa kasama mo!) Minsan lang kita masabihan nyan at ayoko nang ulitin pa. GRABE. Edi magsama kayo! P.S. wag na subukang itanong kung sino dahil wala kang makukuhang sagohohot! PERIOD! Nabwiset lang ako ng bongga. OBVIOUS TEH?

Hindi lang naman ikaw ang lalaki sa mundo, natyempuhan lang ako. Natanga. Tatanga-tanga ka rin naman e! Fucktard, drunkard!

LET IT COOL, SET ASIDE. (whew!!!)

Medyo nabawasan na. Let's make the love, a war. Hahaha!

For the first time, I saw fireflies in the night. I felt like I wanna cry, really. It was very magical, splendid, fulfilling and mysterious, just like how I feel for the sunrise. Each day I am really enjoying the gift of life around me. (EXCEPT THE VERSE ABOVE POTA PANIRA!!!) I want to see fireflies tomorrow. I love fireflies!

Sings: I wanted to turn you on
My favorite song
Wanted to be near you
But somebody owns you now.
I tried to live somehow. AWWWWW!!

That's it. Call it a freaking day. I'm getting a life.

good things

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 06:14:00 +0000

Good thing I can still smile. That means everything will be alright. Good thing I have friends who pick me up every time I'm stupid and down. Time is flying so fast that I don't care anymore, but still I find reasons for living. Good things that help me realize my worth and not kill myself just because you're gone. Maybe I'm getting over or just immune with the pain. Well, its not pain anymore. I don't know what to call this but I was totally nailed! Hahaha!

Katy Perry concert tonight. She's one of the icons that I like, too bad I gave up my job. Meaning I'm broke so I can't see the concert. My bad. Hahaha.

Saturday. It should be a good Saturday. :)

deary,

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 02:19:00 +0000

My head is spinning. Feels like all of me is going down the drain. The booze won't help. Anyone can't help except me. I always feel like standing up for change, but my emotions eat me alive.

After eating, I throw up.

MKA forever!

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 04:32:00 +0000

This is what I miss. We've been through a lot heh? Don't you miss college, and moments like this? :)

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 02:18:00 +0000

I will never get tired of you.

hell-ven

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 05:18:00 +0000

How many times did I say I love waking up? I really do. The sun inspires me a lot. A gift of new life that I waste when the evening comes, but still I love waking up, it's hella worth it.

Life is running good. I can't complain, shall appreciate all the things that come my way. Good or bad. There's just one thing that I can't remove, and you know whatever that is, keeps me alive. Thank you so much! Haha. Sooner or later, you're gonna wish you had me. Oh.

Watched Million Dollar Baby last night. That was good. But still Cinderella Man made me cry.

And you without knowing it can also make me cry, eventhough you're not a movie. Hah :)

dati rati...

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 13:00:00 +0000

Tinatawanan mo ang mga kaibigang sawi sa pag-ibig, yung mga kakilala mong nagpapakagaga sa love life nila. Bakit ngayon naki-join the club ka na? Isa ka na ring gaga at umeeksena sa love life kahit wala namang konkretong ebidensya pero nakasulat naman sa hangin.

Nakakatuwa kasi tao ka pala.
Nakakainis kasi nakakabato pala.

Sana bumalik na lang sa dati. Yung wala kang iniintindi kundi sarili mo, inosente ka at walang abala. Hindi ka naman pwedeng magsumbong sa nanay mo na sinaktan ka nya.

lost.

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 07:28:00 +0000

Unfortunately, I lost my almost two months old Nokia E63. That hurt a bit, but I'm getting over it. I believe that something better is coming my way. So whoever got my phone, I wish you happiness and a guilt free life, plus a life time supply of peace of mind. I hope that you know how to use that, but in case you want, I can hand you the case that was left and the box, manual, plus the charger and headset. Just contact me anywhere on the web.

Thank you God! I'm safe. At least I realized who my REAL friends are. Its just a material thing anyway, I can't bring it to my grave.

love.

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 05:47:00 +0000

Nothing much.

I just want to say how much I love the sun. Thank you God for sparing us from danger, from the typhoon. I hope those affected by the typhoon will recover soon. Please bless us all.

Hey! I love this day and I don't even know why.

hold me high

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 04:41:00 +0000

I have been always ranting about my life. Then all of a sudden, I came to realize how lucky am I to be alive, to have problems and to get stressed out.

I've been really feeling down these past few days, and still counting. I hate being alone, because unnecessary thoughts linger my mind. Sometimes when I'm in the bus, I just stare out the window, look through infinity, with tears starting to form behind my eyes. I realized I'm not a little cry baby girl anymore, but a guy can make me cry without him knowing that he did hurt someone or two. It sounds pathetic, but that's what I felt.

There was a hole in my chest, a gaping one like a black hole that is beginning to suck all of me, if I won't stop it. There are times when I don't know what to do, except for the fact that I really want to get a booze and crawl like Spiderman on my way home. Booze helps me forget him, them, the world, and just hug the toilet, perhaps marry it, if there is a need to vomit. That will be my routine if I don't bump my head on my bedroom wall, and if I don't wake up from this stinky feeling that we are playing. I can't expect much from you, but then I'm still fucking here. I can't go away. Myself won't let me go away, but I know there will come a time, that I can live and raise my head up without you. I just don't know when will that time be, something in you is really sticky. I don't want to talk about silent heartbreaks anymore, but thanks for making me happy in a short while. I don't blame anyone. Its me. Freak me. Oh its just me.

All the drama at the same time. Ondoy hit the country. Then Pepeng is here now. It breaks my heart to watch the news with families needing shelter and food. If I am rich, I will help them, but right now all I can offer is my prayer and be a volunteer. I hope all the victims can recover. I know the country will recover, we are Filipinos and we can do it!

Oh, before I forget, I just resigned from work. I can't just do it anymore. I'm sorry to the people who don't expect this, but I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to force myself into something I'm not happy. Its just the way it is. I will find something new. I should.

This should be the start of something new. Yeah!

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 04:24:00 +0000

If I can, I'll still go back to the time when I can hold thy hand.

I'll choose you no matter what.

But I can't.

That's the saddest part.

nothing

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 08:18:00 +0000

I missed blogging my nonsense thoughts. I missed sitting in front of my laptop and exploring the infinite horizons of the web. I missed saying my heart's unpleasant desires for him, which eventually made me numb, dumb and almost on the way to forget that.

I can say that I found a new life, new career, new friends, feels like all will be new. Or a new me. I hope this will be a great start to let go of memories that always freaks me out. But hey, I still want yow!

blars. rawrs.

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 03:10:00 +0000

Crumple your heart and put it in your pocket.

LOL!

hard rock nightmare

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 09:45:00 +0000

I feel something hard inside me. Feels like I've swallowed a rock, and it went straight to my heart, not in my stomach. The other week, my digestive system went all crappy, that I feel death was beside me. That day where my stomach cramps attacked was unforgettable. I nearly fainted after going to a job interview (good thing it was over and I'm not interested) so I just went to Granma's home. There's really something wrong with my stomach, curse or cure alcohol? IDK. I don't wanna know and I'm afraid to seek medical attention.

After that, was the two days straight headache. It felt like my head will explode anytime. But I handled it, by thinking happy thoughts of him, and me, each sold separately. Then it came up to me like a blade and made another cut, a cut that I love to see bleed everytime I think of it. Then I will be fucking teary eyed while typing these words I am hesitant of publishing.

And last night, was the worst. I can say that its the worst thing next to vomitting when I'm drunk. The worst thing I don't want to happen again. I had my first nightmare. I think its a typical nightmare based on those I hear. But it was my first time to actually have it. So it was the bomb. It felt like I was all alone falling straight from a high, dark place. I was trying to move my body but I can't. Little whispers of scream try to come out of my mouth but no one was there to hear me. I was gasping for air. Then I woke up feeling so tired, my body all used up. But the tired feeling sent me to sleep again.

Maybe this is just a post-effect of everything I did and chose. It's all wrong, but getting used to it is easy, for me. Just cover your face with lies, smile under your blanket when the lights are off, and wait. Even if you're waiting for nothing hurts. But I love hurting my own feelings eh!

How many times did I say that I won't talk nonsense anymore. But still, here. I feel sad, but there are still people who want to cheer me up. I'm trying to get him off my brain cells and soul perhaps, but there are things that still connects. Or I'm just the one who's too concerned.

OH HEY! Its fucking traffic. That's why I can't move on.

inom tayo!

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Sun, 17 May 2009 14:01:00 +0000

Hinihintay ko ang pag-ikot ng oras, sana bumalik sayo.

Akala ko dun ako sasaya, pero bakit ganto?

May chismis na naiwan sa pagkatao.

Kung walang patutunguhan, sana mawala na to.

Kung meron mang naghihintay, pwede kong tiisin noh?

HAHAHA. Crazy! Pasensya na. Lakas ng tama ko.

end

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 17:27:00 +0000

If you want to read my graduation speech, you can check out my Multiply blog for the full version. I wrote that with all my heart, and funny bones.

Graduation is over, but I'm not over you, unemployment population counts me in, vacation is here and I don't know how to feel. But i do feel happy. I just need to pick up myself and prepare for the brightest future I'm seeing, perhaps with you. LOL.

So, that's it. I'll probably be busy with vacation. I need to get away!!! But still I need to job hunt so I can finance my get aways. Haha.

not.

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 02:45:00 +0000

LOL.Ibadlyneedit.
Iwantit.
IthoughtIcangetoverit.
ButIstillmissit.

Ohoh,changeittoHIM.
HIMislikeadrug.
:-)

The Final Set Expi

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 05:08:00 +0000

Still glad to be part of history. And I'll bookmark my March 7, '09 experience.

We came there JIT of the countdown, oh not countdown but should I say alpha down (from Z-E) and they opened the show with Magasin. Then followed by everyone's all time favorite songs. Julie Tearjerky, Trip to Jerusalem, and it goes on. My favorites for the night: Pare Ko (lovetgagoeh!), Ang Huling El Bimbo (aw!) and Toyang (youknowwhyIlikeet?) LOL. Plus Alkohol which is perfect for me, him and them. Hwag mo nang Itanong in reggae ver courtesy of Father Markus. They did Super Proxy, but no more Master Rapper so Ely took his part. Then Kaleidoscope World which made me semi-gloomy. Sadly they didn't do Kaliwete because they've played it before. But they repeated Alapaap and Toyang(?) Just as we all thought the show was over, because they bowed and bid goodbye, they came back to the stage and sang three more songs for encore.

*inset is a photo of me exhausted towards the end of the concert LOL*

Basta. The final set was good. I shall, we shall all say that Eraserheads will forever live in all of us. I just love that night. Humming along while they play the song while remembering someone who shouldn't be in your mind... is so wrong! Haha.

Thanks to my concert buddy that night, Ferdie. And nice meeting you Aika, Gracia & BF & friend.

That's it. Despite the Eheads euphoria, youknowwho still made my night. Aw.

Mahaaaarch

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 21:12:00 +0000

Boohoo. So there, I'm glad that I passed all my subjects this sem. My academic life has came to an end. But I strongly believe that learning is an infinite thing. It will go on, and on, and on like a roll of fucking tissue paper. I just want to learn new things, like cooking maybe. I want. Haha. Or driving even if I don't have a car. LOL.

Since the classes are over, I usually spend my day with my bed. Reading is also my time killer in case I can't sleep. And the night time goes out to my friends. I just can't help but see them, be a sinner and go home to sleep again like nothing happened. I'm over happy with them plus intoxication. But controlling the attachment so that leaving or breaking up won't hurt that much. I'm also learning to control everything, but still breaking rules is fun and that's what I like! The more it hurts, the more it feels good (at least for me LOL). I just like the feeling of getting hurt. Such a crazy feeling I have these days? Haha! Thanks. I really like what yer giving meee!

Waiting, yes. Finally I will be graduating this March 27, 2009. Mixed emotions meeeen! I just can't wait for it! And I want a job, soon! It's time to earn some money and you know what. Heh.

I might be blogging regularly again. LOL. I want a new layout!!! *tantrums*

K. BYE.

free push and hug

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 07:10:00 +0000

Heyhowdeehay!

First, Happy birthday Daddy. Even if you're not with us, we'll be together next month. Thank you and sorry for everything. Thanks for being a good provider and a the best father to us. You just don't know how much we love yooow!

Then my head is spinning around. Its the last week of my college days. Yes, of my academic life. This last week is where I have to kill time and battle against pressure from peers, parents, starfish, red horse, sizzling hotdog, climate change, recession and other factors. I also have to fight my dizzy head and falling asleep in the middle of the night. A lot of paper works and reports are due this week. Its easier to blog than to do them. I have to deal with them and I can't run away anymore. (well, I don't really run away from them!)

So, I'm requesting your kind hearts to PRAY for me. Just in case I get rush to the hospital or who knows die before graduation. This is it. We're about to reach the end of the line. And its supafreakinfuckinscarinshiverinhappy to the bones! Out of words, really!

Off to do my responsibilities. IMYATC.

-PATing

boohooyoo

noreply@blogger.com (patpam) — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 06:42:00 +0000

Won't write the words clearly
So you'll never understand.

Cleanse the mind with fresh water spa
See the light that shines beneath the meadows
There will always be hope,
Shoud not hate the word.
Trying not.

The power is just so fuckin strong
That it carried one away
Fell on the pit
But hey, come back,
Still stuck here, babe!

But all's well that ends well.
That's all they'll ever be.
Or maybe screw your brain,
And rust if off?

P.S.
Infected by the Valentines Bitterness Syndrome. Take it off?