this is my December

Uhh. This is my time of the year. This is my December. This is all so clear. (thanks for the song LP)

I want to own this month, do all the things I want to do, escape from my obligations and party all the way. But I think I can't. So I'll just sit and wait til it comes. Idk. I'm always excited about birthdays. Like you've waited the whole year for that special day again. And I don't care about anyone. Heh self-centered individual (not!). But here's a rundown of people (I know) whom I share this month with.

3- Yem
4- Lea Rose
6- Pao
10- Iggy
12- Papa Epol
13- ;o)
18- My Mom!
20- Mean; David Cook
21- Nicole
24- Lolo Aga; Jonri; Lolo's first death anniv. (aw)
25- Jesus. Yes!; Tope
28- Tito Nonie
31- Lolo Andy

Cool people. Cool month. Who doesn't love December! Looking forward for Christmas parties, exchange gifts, tambays, Simbang Gabi/Tabi (lol), band watching and grave visiting (this hurts).

up and down dates

First, a new layout. I've converted my blogger to the newer version. Late. Haha.

Second, one of my aunts flew to the other part of the world, which is so sad for the family.

Third, I watched Twilight. The movie was good, but then the book will always be better. Heh. I want to meet someone like Edward. I will volunteer myself so he can bite me anytime. (Then went to Dahab for some drinks. Thanks sponsors. Much love girls. Team Edward! LOLZZ)
Fourth, I love Flightless Bird, American Mouth for an unknown reason now.

OJT transition attack. lol

So I will be left alone in the Circulation department (a.k.a. Alcatraz) so I found another company to adopt me. Octobereighty Publications Inc. It seems more fun and closer to civilization than the other, so I'm quite excited. The people are way cooler and hotter. (that's an assumption) We were oriented about their upcoming events, and I'm excited because that's what I want. Yem and I will be starting on December 3. A new leaf. A new life. I will be calling ABS-CBN to pull out my training. Sorry. Okay.

After going out of Herrera Bldg, we laughed our lungs out, went to school, tambay, dinner with a kick of session, and more laughter. Its not bad to be happy, when you can.

Its early morning and I should be sleeping. But AdResearch is still on going...

third day:nowhere to go

Where would you go, when you got nowhere to go?

A question that popped in my head this morning. Around 10-11am. And the answer? (I didn't even think about it) I was just pulled by something and I ended up at a friend's house. She adopted me for a few hours while I was trying to recharge myself from the deep exhaustion I felt. I gave up today and skipped an OJT day. Maybe its not that bad. (Haha or maybe it is?) Moments like this really come to us, because we're people. We're fuckin imperfect people!!! (I just like to stress this out!)

Half of my day was a movie marathon. I played with Sean, chatted a bit with Khay and laugh when I can. We watched Saw V, Babylon A.D., Final Destination 3 and See No Evil. We watched for four hours straight, which I wanted to continue but I need to go home. Now, I just need a harder push so I can continue the suicide attempt I was doing. Its a lot crazier because I passed by his house and had a glimpse of their Christmas tree. No, I ain't a stalker for your sake! It just so happen that I see things and people connected to him. But I seldom see him. He's busy fixing his hair, putting night cream on his face and getting his umbrella ready for tomorrow.

P.S. Thanks new fans. I mean friends who come here and read on what I have accidentally typed in. I'm too lazy to delete 'em. Keep me happy. Keep coming! Bring your friends! Haha. If you haven't signed up, do it now and let's begin the blog party! Start blogging and don't let life miss you. WTFOMGLOLOLOLZ! (watemayseying?!!!)

"I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars." - I want Twilight. NOW!

I got there alone

For the first time, I bookmarked my life because I watched a concert alone! I wasn't alone the whole show, just half of it. But still I was alone. Lee Rocks Manila was rocking. Except for someone who annoyed me with her fucking lies. She did it again. She failed me. I don't know what is this person up to?? True friends will accept you, so you don't have to pretend. And if you keep on doing that, you'll lose something you can never get back.

Back to the concert, the crowd was uhh.. in comatose. They're weakly responding to the noisy hosts. But I don't care. I just want to watch the bands I love. Thank you.

I'm praying that this week will start good. I have to fix myself and totally adjust to the life that I will do for two months. South to north trips. Tsss.

second day: laugh at me, curse me

My second day was.. uhh. Here's the story. I woke up with a heavy heart at 5:10am. Did the routine, fix myself, dressed up, and went out without breakfast. It was past 6am when I went out and wait for my precious, effin friend, Ferdie. I started my stopwatch. It became a hobby since I was always waiting for people to come, for things to happen. I started observing the surrounding, I was inhaling smoke emitted by vehicles, while controlling my temper. I bombarded my friend with text messages because I felt so bad. Almost 30 minutes passed by and he came, and I'm already pissed. I was about to burst but I kept it inside. Oh yeah. We're late. That's very nice. I didn't talk to him on our way to MRT. The first curse happened. Late.

I forgot what my stopwatch told me. I managed to sleep during the ride. And to my surprise, the bus bumped another vehicle (FX) in front of the Heritage Hotel. What gets worse when you're late?? It rained! Neither of us have no umbrella, so we put our jackets on our heads and walked soaking in the crashing drizzle.

We were also left by the shuttle van. So we ended up riding a cab. Soaking wet, and my white shoes almost soiled. I tried to fix myself again, my crappy hair and my broken face. Because I really want to go home. But I can't do anything so I just did the clerical works and let the day end the usual way.

We laugh our asses off. The whole ride to home was tiring, oh yet fun.
Looking forward to a good third internship day.

Thought: I'll post more and often here.

OJT. OMJ!

I was ranting about my internship over the past three weeks. I can't find the company that fits. Well I think nothing will ever fit. It was really tiring, with the feeling that I almost want to give up and do my OJT at home. We backed out at the San Miguel offer because it felt boring, (choosy) then hoped someone would call me again. ABS-CBN Publishing did. We were adopted by the Circulation Department, which was temporarily situated somewhere in Congressional QC. Its a typical office with busy persons, a lot of papers, and more papers. Magazines that are flunked all over the place. The people look nice and friendly. And we can't turn down this offer. Haha. I just hope we'll end up happily ever after. Hindi na ko choosy! I learned my lesson.

My first day was a half day. We encoded some consignment papers and then went home. Hah.

Yeah, you read it right. I went home right away. Aside from being tired, Ferdie doesn't want to go with me. Ayheytchupordat!! I let the chance and time slip away--to watch Michael Johns, live. It will never happen again. Or maybe. Lol. But really, I want to watch David Cook's BFF. But I can't because some things are more important watching than him. Than talking them. Admit it.

crossed legs and fingers

I got my fingers crossed for the ABS-CBN call I received. I'm hoping that this is it. That this will be the end of my rants, ramblings, endless complaints and pessimistic thoughts about OJT and the life behind it, and finally forget K! and his random appearances in school. His presence bothers me a lot, as well as his brothers who were also in the same green campus with us. It bothers me, a lot more than you think of. I want to start right away and get a life. Or forget life? No. I won't.

Thanks to my drinking buddies who managed to stand by with us, share sympathy, while we're waiting for the companies who needs us. They just don't know who they're letting go when they throw away our resumes. LOL!

Again, thanks. For being there. For reading this.

fight flight

Well, I'm a girl whose supposed to be staying indoors at wee hours of the morning. A 19 year old girl who got her first time experience to witness a street fight. I mean something that usually occurs in your villages when your friends and neighbors in the other phase get drunk. A silly, childish fight that resulted in a scandalous, heart raging event. Haha. Don't get me wrong or over acting. It was my first time to see someone being punched in the face. And someone get really angry that he threw a few more punches, but missed the enemy's face. I was even afraid of the big stone revenge they were trying to put up. That will hurt. As much as one of my girlfriends wounded her knee while trying to stop the eeerrr fight.

When the barangay mobile of our subdivision came to the rescue, I should feel secured, but I felt afraid. So afraid that my I will earn something like a record or anything that will send me a subphoena. Weird that I don't have to be afraid because I didn't do anything wrong. I just drank a little and tried to stop the raging fight. The most stupid physical fight on Earth that I have ever seen. Screw the neighbors gossipping around. LOL.

It just proved the punch-drunk theory. No love. Haha.

I hope they will be normal tomorrow.

Happy Beerday Janjan! No more fighting!!

hard. -err.

Its harder to do things you don't like. Its harder to write about something you don't know. Its harder to think, when your neurons are all used up. Its harder to breathe when you're around. Its harder to think where to go, when the truth is there's no place for you except your colorless, boring room.

ITS HARD...errr like a rock. A big hard rock I want to pick up and bang on my head.

But I won't do that. Hahaha. Fire in the hole.

hard. fckng hard.

For the past few weeks, I've realized how hard it is to find a job. To find a company that will accept and love you for who you are. It bothers me a lot, and will forever do until I haven't found something that I need. I've been thinking, is it their fault? Or mine? Obviously, mine. Ours. I've been raiding the CBD in MM for a few days now, and all I got was novelty. "We'll forward it to the HR Department." or "Wait for our call." I don't know if its true but I kept on believing. I would love to hear "GET OUT FREAK YOU DON'T BELONG" or "Here's a blade, cut your wrists!" or directly "Find another company, we don't accept OJTs". I'm still waiting for my phone to ring with a call from an unregistered landline number. It rang once. And its over. I'll wait again. Its also very hard for myself to face some facts about the world. ITS JUST SO HARD.

The hunt is so painful to my feet and stressing to my brain. I've wasted my money, time and effort. (yeah, Edward Cullen has a lot of money, LOTS!) My patience is hanging on the loose, far from the real me with the longest patience keeping on the record. I kept on ranting, and all I got was nothing. I kept on waiting, but it makes me wait more longer and waste more time that should be recorded somewhere else. I felt a little angry and my temper was close to the end. I don't know what's wrong about me. They should tell me directly if its yes or no. They keep on fcuking making us wait when all we see are dark clouds above! I am so disappointed. I'm tired. I feel like I'm nothing. All I want to do is sleep without waking up, but its just a line. You know.

Life makes it more challenging for me. It somehow tells me to move along and I'll find what's there for me at the end of the road. But its so hard. I almost felt like crying and giving up. The good thing, is that I have friends. I don't know how long they will hold on to me. But the fact that we've been holding on is what I appreciate. We've been holding on to nothing. Yeah, but at least together. We drown in alcohol together. We go home together. We physically hurt each other. We are close to killing each other.

When you're down, out, negative, nothing, drunk, close to dying, getting sick, dizzy, vomitting, loosing grip, falling, weeping, hopeless and pessimistic, you're bound to know who your friends are.

We know.

I'm not giving up. You, too. Will not!

I'll just take a rest.

minus one bark

Queenie died.

I hate it. So far, she's the dog who stayed the longest time with us. She's been with us for many years. We love her so much, especially my younger siblings. I was shocked when my brother began to cry and scream that she's gone. He was about to give her lunch and planned to give her a bath. But he can't do it anymore. Never at all. Then I went out to check what's going on, and the lifeless body of a once happy dog welcomed me. I felt sad and noticed that I was also weeping. It was devastating. I immediately called my grandmother to seek comfort because something pricked my heart. She said maybe its better off this way. She'll be up there with my grandfather. Probably they're playing fetch now. But its so sad. Freaking sad. I went to mass a while ago to pray for her. This is so much drama. But she's not just an ordinary dog for us.

We lost a friend and a playmate. But then, this is life. And there'll always be death.

last...

This will be the last week that I can wait for OJT call. SHOOT. If I got no company after this week, I can start drinking again for depression and start cutting my wrists for fear. I told you I'm patient, but this time, its different. Its serious! Its alarming! I've wasted a lot of time, the same with my other friends.

This should not be happening to me. I should be happily relaxing and smiling my way for the last sem. I would never want to extend for Pete's sake. For that one effin subject that send shivers down my spine, and this endless OJT hunt.

Shit. So you can't help me?

my official second sem

Yes.

My second and last sem started today. New professors came along my way. Same old, funny faces of my blockmates, and some irreg mates that came back. Twas nice to see everyone again, especially you know who. His hair was still neatly tied, and I think he'll stick to that style from now on, if I'm right.

The first class was on at 7am. I woke up early, still dizzy from the little session I had with some random friends. I was still able to come to school earlier than my prof and the rest of the class. It was a smooth start. No heavy pressure. It was so easy to learn when your prof is easy to get along with. In one of my subjects, there was this prof who was scary beyond no reason at all. IDK. I can imagine that he was a member of an underground "kulto" society that drinks blood for dinner. But calling him a vampire will be absurd for the handsome Edward Cullen. Nevermind. This prof is scary, his voice, his eyes. I just look straight at the blackboard watching the slides and wish thattime will fly so the class will be dismissed. Another prof was also weird. He doesn't want noisy students in his class. We are prohibited to speak, which I admit, will be very hard for me and my fellow mates. It will be like torture in hell.

But despite the funny and scary people that I met today, my day ended up good. My prof in the last subject was one of my favorites. Maybe because he was there right in time I lost my grandfather, so I remember him everytime I see this prof.

The subjects left for this sem smells easy, but its the other way around. We still need to do research and waste a pile of paper for reports. Well, patience is a virtue.

My wish, aside from world peace, is a good sem for me. I want to graduate. I want to start my OJT but where will I do it? Fcuk.

Dazzled eh?

half sad

First, I still haven't found a company for my Practicum. All I got was unhappy feet and more heart-breaking asa moments!

Second, my SPREAD application was disapproved. Wtf. Okay. Ayaw ng school! Kung kelan gusto ko na! After all the effort I gave to complete the requirements, I ended up enrolling myself the normal way.

Third, I want to watch MYXMO! 2008. Yes, maybe I will! On the television set.

What else will make me sad? Boo pessimism.

unhappy feet

Just got home from a very tiring day. It was not in my itinerary today to go anywhere else, but I was forced to go to Canon for an entrance exam and an ambush interview. It was raining when I got there. And I cursed heaven for that. My feet effin hurts! I'm hungry because I didn't took breakfast! I was devastated and the hair I blow dried before going out was totally wet! Like I just stepped out of the shower! I want to turn around and go home, but I couldn't. Wasted effort, but I still tried! My patience was hanging by a thread so I put the blame on other people!

Finding a company for OJT is never easy, especially for us! We're just working now that we urgently need it! *sigh*

The exam was all good. I love English since HS. The abstract part slightly made me crazy, and the math part was, uh, easy except for the last few items that I don't know the answer even if I tried. Haha!

Tomorrow will be the judgement day for SPREAD. I wonder what my sandwich will have inside it. LOL. I'm still hoping, though.



Time to rest in peace.
P.S. Thank you people who intentionally or accidentally drop by my site. Either of the condition is highly appreciated.

hey November

It started out good. I got a whole bunch of love from my family over the weekend. It somehow compensated my sadness for still not finding the right company so I can start my OJT right away. We have some relatives that can take me in, but I'm still not sure. I can't focus and still undecided. Maybe everything will turn out right next week, it should. This matter makes me unhappy these past few days. Rawr.

I also thought that second sem starts Nov 3. An honest mistake I did but was grateful that a friend warned me that school opens on the 5th. If I didn't asked, I might have went to school tomorrow and look like a fool. Tss. Anyways, the result I've been waiting for will be released on the 4th. Goodluck to myself.

BTW, I just finished Twilight. I can say its awesome. I kept the pages turning as I ended reading it. Now, I'm deciding to find New Moon and read it too. I was also dazzled by the freaking Edward Cullen, and a little bit jealous of Bella. I wished he was real, but hey, its fiction. But seems real. Lol.

Let me laugh. I was preoccupied by nonsense things and now I'm sad. Its making crazy.