it hurts

My gum hurts and I don't know why.

Confessions. I like confessing my sins and talking to God. I mean He's the greatest in my life, in our lives. No matter how grave our sins are, He's always up there to forgive us. I mean how many times have you ignored God? How many times did you turn down His request to go to church every Sunday and cleanse yourself from the sinful world you are in? You always ignore Him, but come running to Him whenever you're in despair or you badly need His help. That's unfair. He's always up there, and you're down here busy doing something else.

I was deeply enlightened by last night's mass. I know I'm not perfect, I'm even one of the worst persons you might know, I'm not an expert in anything, but hearing God's words makes me feel perfect and that nobody can hurt me when I have His words. I'm standing up for God now. I realized that everything in this life happens for a reason. I flunked my Law class for a reason. Just simple that everything has a reason and no one is nothing. For God created us equally and according to His image and likeness. We have God inside ourselves and its all up to us to take care of him. Its good to talk about God. Thank you.


BUT. I'll go to hell later. And too excited to have fun. I miss alcohol and others that can help me forget the earth. See you tomorrow.

Yes, I'm ironic.

how many times do I have to say this

I'm a green condom--single and having fun. Uber fun that I forget sadness but get it back the next day.

I hate you but I want you. There's no loving in fucking. How can I forget you and the things that you do. I say want to say the last goodbye and thnks fr th mmrs. I taste sweet and you too.

I'll just find another person to pay all this attention that I have for you. And stop thinking coz I feel like a bitch when I talk of you. Bye.

billy jean

The 4-day job was over and itsalatafan. I met professional people and it was a nice feeling being there with them. Hopefully be one of them soon. Hehe. CSB Hotel is nice. The staff were cute and hot? But some are not. We love the food. Ferdie and I didn't know the meaning of hungry during that day. Hey! Thanks to the people I'm with. My professors in Marketing. You're a plus to the memory lane. Especially Sir Terence. I feel a sudden rush of happiness in my veins whenever I see him. He reminds me of my Lolo, and he's gone so Sir Terence will replace him for me, physically. I missed Lolo Yoyoy.

My body's tired but my mind is alive. I'm here but my soul's somewhere.

I thought my emo phase is over, but you have to know what I'm going through. I'M STILL STUCKED. I'll slap you when I see you, then vice versa so you can wake me up. You didn't wake up when I went home that day. I'm a pusher and you're a user. What will I do when I see you? Pretend that nothing happened? And let me be the bitch in the eyes of those who knew what really happened (okay its voluntary but I don't know why I feel this). Oh don't tell me that this is just a drunkard's dream. I kept on typing how I feel because no one knows what's inside meeee. I'm a bitch because of you.

Now, I'm swearing to GOD, that this is the FINAL and LAST and no more talks about that devastating event. I said this last week but I can't really help it. Hay.

Touching someone doesn't mean you love them. And loving someone doesn't mean you have to touch them. So don't let yourself fall for someone overnight, and then tomorrow they don't know you anymore. You'll break into pieces. You're a cookie.

fax tone please

First day in helping out PMA and I got addicted to facsimile. Haha. It was fun. Will still be there until Friday.

The sando night party was uber fun. I MET JAY CONTRERAS and its a big deal for me. He's my dream guy. Fucking beat that.

Bistro after. A little hate for Alden because he plays with my name. I hope you're not drunk anymore. And from now on, you'll be my beer belly guy. LOL

MMA tomorrow. I want to drop by Meralco Theater after office hours.

slowly but surely

Heavy emotional energy could cause you to start feeling a bit moody and slow today.

--by Friendster Horoscope. I can relate.

Hey I love the recovery phase. Uneasy but I don't have headaches and don't think of fcking. Haha.
I want the Sando Night Party. I want to go there. I'll make a way. I WILL. The ar-gig-ment is over and we ended up laughing at ourselves for those stupid reasons. Basta sando night party wait for meeeeee.

misses

Happy Easter Baby! Where are the fcking eggs?

My family woke up early to watch the Salubong rituals in our subdivision. I can't get up and the bed sucked my body so I wasn't able to join them. Still in bed at 11am. Maybe next year. Easter is so much fun for others. They'll be haunting for eggs. I'll do that on the 28th but will avoid if I can. Still scared of the grades.

Henyways, I used my time surfing the net. And part of it was answering surveys with foolish questions, but heaps of fun. What I love about internet is the interaction and the cyber relationships it build. Basta fun.

Hey I'm a text maniac. Can't get my hands off my cellphone. I just can't. Good thing it has recovered from its disease. Now I have to land my hand on my empty pocket and search for money so I can load up. Or rather ask my mom to give me.

I will go to church later. I owe God big time. But I know He loves me. Bleh.

Some point and clicks:
Seriously, I want/need a summer job.
I need to take three subjects this summer so I can assure that I'll be graduationg on March 2009. The moment I'm really looking forward to.
Lola's still here so I have reasons for not going out, and no contact with alcohol (miss you too). Though sometimes I feel thirsty.
A current arguement about gigs and who to bug about it. Arrrgh! Bitch.

I miss my friends in school and friends outside.

LYPDL.

dear f*ck*r

I won't attend to you anymore. My life was clear when I don't think of you. When I'm not with you. And most probably if I haven't met you. I will formally stop thinking of you because you're wasting my memory space and its not fair. You don't have any space for me. You also never said that you love me, you just like me and that's very different from love, that unfortunately you have for that other girl. The problem is with me. I like one thing about you, because you told me that you hated me last year, and you said it straight to my face. But why were you in the arms of another?

You will never realize how lucky or unlucky you are and me and vice versa. We are cool in a way, but fools in so many ways.

Let's forget what happened and open the next chapter of our fucked and damned lives. Its never too late to start a new. Thank you. This is the last time I will waste my time on this issue.

No love,
Phat :)


P.S.
This somehow a letter of fuck for all the guys who were already taken, and look at themselves to be kings of the world that they want another girl for their sake. You can't do anything about how I felt. Haha. I hope you won't read this, because you'll probably react negatively.

P.P.S.
Stay hot for her okay :)

maundy

Thursday and struggling to keep myself at home. I would've handcuff me and put away everything that can be used as a device for evilness, but I failed to. See. I'm right here.

Aquamarine for breakfast. It gave me a thought that even mermaids know love. And so do I. Love will always be connected with hurt and break and fuck. Those are the words we can associate with love.

I'm moving on to a better place. Nightmares don't arrive when I see your face. (Thanks for the perfect line Alden) But why the hell do I need to move on if I didn't even get there? (sorry, confused) The major reason-- move on to avoid deep vein thrombosis. This one thing makes me sick like a player that keeps on repeating itself. Confused. Unsure. Undecided.

Day tripper, one way ticket. Never want to be.

number 2

LSS--Over You by Daughtry.

Let's start this sad/annoying/fucking/indirect post.

Being a bitch is not easy. I tend to realize the consequences after it was done and think that it was a BIIIIG X mark. My Holy Week was demolished, but its just Holy Wednesday so I can catch up tomorrow.

Another random guy made me fall. But it was the hell! When will I meet a guy who's not in a relationship or who's not yet committed or taken? Fuck them. I called someone "kabit" and now that title will somehow fit me. Lapitin ba talaga ko ng mga may jowa na? Will I always be a third party? He even showed me photos of him and his gf and that is WASAK. This is what you get for responding to the alarming sense of touch.

This made me think that all guys are fuckers and they don't really love the other girls. Who cares about two or three years relationships? I'll make you quit. Bwaharhar.

Will number 2 be my favorite number? When will I ever learn this random rule of life? I was a freak. There's still no future in this flingy-fucky thing. But it didn't completely broke my heart because I was also wrong, and I have to admit it. Its all wrong even if you turn it 360 degrees. It was wrong but if felt good. Tell me how confusing is that? Nobody can understand this drama I'm going through and that hurts.

Even thinking of DC can't help me forget what happened. David will be mad if he can read this. I'm sorry David. I'll make it up to you. I swear.

My mother was mad because she smells something fishy of what's happening these past few weeks. I'm a bit scared of her now. I wasn't before.

I was an embrace sucker. Sense of touch irritates me.
Hey, I'm bitchingly growing up.
Walking on the wrong path and someone should walk with me.

HPBD&others

Happy Birthday Ira. I love you friend. Kahit ganyan ka.

Last night was fun. I formally met Alfonso XIII and he was nice to me. A gentleman than I expected. I'm wondering if I'll see him again later. Haha.

Tears also flowed. We talked about life problems and I think there's just one bottomline.

JUST ENJOY LIFE AND DON'T THINK ABOUT PROBLEMS. NO WORRIES, especially if you have FRIENDS and ALCOHOL.

I'll be spending the rest of my vacation at home and you won't hear/read me complain anymore.


A dose of David Cook's Searchlights is all I need to get me through these days.

Palm Sunday

I successfully restrained myself from going out last night. And it felt good. I WILL STAY HOME THIS VACATION to AVOID VULGARITIES. Hahaha. I can die here, at least I'm home. Its the start of a 2-week imprisonment. Extended to 9-weeks if I don't enrol to summer classes. Its hard doing nothing. I get tired of life. I speak my mind too much and get into trouble.

I'm still a sad clown. Help me recover.

Thank yoooou my DAVIDribonucleic acid for making me smile in your own little way. Hehe.


*Will go to church later and probably see Golden friends because Regine will be moving to their new house tomorrow. I'll miss that bitch.

get out of me

I wanted this sem's last day to be REMARKABLE. And hell I'm disappointed because I lack friends that I can be with anytime. So I went home and plant kamote. Hahaha.

Went to Rob Dasma to see CL. But Aurora took the stage and it was good. I was laughing inside my head of all the things I saw that day. HAHAHAHA talaga. CL came around 830pm. Too bad the mall was closing so they didn't play anymore. But still I'm happy to see them. Alden and Aaron were sweet. Tatsi was not sweet. Kean was badtrip. And the award goes to Lem who has an injured finger. I told him not to do that bad thing again. (if you know what I'm talking about f*&). He said it has teeth and it bites. Haha. I love Lem.

Happy. When to see them again?!

MOOD SWING (to the left)

Went to Jayson's house then a little food trip. Then off to Ira's house for a little heart to heart talk. The four of us (Jayson, Donna, Ira & me) punch drunk love. I'm so down at this point of my life. And good thing there are friends to pick me up. I love my highschool friends. I got 55% of my whole being from highschool. I even cried because of my Lolo's memories. Fuck meeee.

Yesterday, my phone was fucked. I was teary eyed of thinking that it will broke after a year and a half. It will be 2 years old on July 21 and I want it to be alive on that day. It was hanging all the time. I can receive messages but I can't send. (i have load don't worry) Charged it when I got home and now it has recovered from deep exhaustion. (i wish) I can't get myself a new phone. So I have to keep this fucking one.

I want to be happy again. But I don't want to punch drunk love because its Holy Week. My system wants alcohol because it makes me forget everything. And this is not right.


MOOD SWING (to the right)


No one can understand why I love him. Hey Mr. Cook. You make me fall forever. Haha. I like you more each day. Haha. Will you wait for me? And then marry me. (tooo high) I was listening to his songs and its BOOM.

eleanor rigby be me

The Global exam was easier than I expected and would have been a piece of nut if I reviewed my notes. Well, I read my notes after the exam. Hehe. We also burst into laughter about something really annoying. A friend got crazy and its bad for us to think that she's a pretender. Aw. We've been close before, but now I wonder what happened to her. I hope she recovers.

Boop. I'm still watching DC's vids on youtube. Replayed many times because I'm hungry for it. He's freakin hot and I'm always meant to say hot whenever I think/see/feel him. I found his fansite and registered. Hahaha. I'm member no.434 haha.

Law exam tomorrow. The final and BOMB exam. Its also my last day of being a junior. Thnks fr th mmrs. I'll be missing those fools and bitches. And get myself used to writing MKA43, goodbye 33.

P.S still problematic for summer classes but smiles whenever DC comes in. Haha

LYPDL :)

David Cook-ed me

The first time I fell in love with this guy, was when I heard his beautiful rendition of Lionel Richie's Hello. OH MEEEEN. I was staring at the tv. KINIKILIG AKOOO. For some reasons that I don't know yet. But I think we're related that's why I liked him easily. Hehehe. He made me watch and wait for American Idol. He was the reason why I watched this season, because before I was always contented with hearsays of who won, etc blah blah. But now I want to see him for myself. I watch his videos on youtube almost everyday and press repeat. Oh yeeeeah I LOVE DAVID COOK. And its okay if you say it to my face that I'm a very ambitious girl. I LIKE HIM AND EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM. This is a statement from a desperate, crazy, pitiful person. Hahaha.

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

He sang Eleanor Rigby a while ago. As usual I was in front of the tv, wanting to scream. My admiration was over my head and I can't get him of it. I copied his photos from American Idol
and posted it in my Multiply site. Hahaha. I told you. I'm in ecstasy. This will go away sometime in the future. But I want to be his wife. (the impossible dream)


Hella. Two exams to go and I can rest my head on my puffy pillow. All I want is to rest. But also want to gig. I hope I can and the money I need will be here before Saturday. Hay. MONEY PACQUIAO! Gimme gimme! Haha.

P.S. I saw him but I ignored him. Haha. Its better this way.

LYPDL.(new sig-love you punch drunk love. haha)

site meter

Wala lang. I added a site meter just in case may napadaan man dito sa blog ko. Or kung may nagbabasa man bukod sakin. Haha. ILY kung sino ka man. *Mwahugs*

Madali kesa sa expected ko yung MGAC exam. Pero grabe pa rin. Three exams bukas. STAB ME! KILL ME! Nawawala pa yung Research book ko ano kayang rereviewhin ko dun. Rarr. Colbie Calliat today sa Greenbelt/Glorietta yata. Then Mandy Moore tomorrow. Gustuhin man. Wala lang.

Baboo blog.

roar

Hello final exam week. The last chance to cope up and run after the grades that you need, para pumasa this sem. May masama akong nararamdaman sa mga nangyayari. I was failing in BLAW102 and its not right. I don't see justice. Unfair. I come to school every Saturday, sit for three hours, I do read the book and have quizzes but what did I get?? Just 1/4 of the fucking class standing. MALI TALAGA!!!! I have 2 other failed subjects two sems ago, and I actually felt the same. I mean why do they love to see failing students??? We paid the TF. Konting consideration man lang di ba?? Or just give grade for the effort. And besides he's the same prof we had in BLAW101. He knows us. He should by now. I really feel bad and frustrated.

Another thing. INCUBUS LIVE IN MANILA AND IM A LOSER. Di ko man lang napanuod. I NEED TO BE RICH SO I CAN WATCH ALL THE CONCERTS IN THE WORLD. Tara. Sino sasama sakin. Kidnap kids, get their internal organs, sell them and make money. And because I'm kind give a portion of the money to the families. Be rich ngayon naaaa.

Honestly, I want a summer job. This time totoo na. Gusto ko talaga. Sana rin makapagsummer classes ako, kasabay ng summer job. Para cool. Hindi ako lulumutin sa bahay.

Callalily. How many times do I have to talk about them? I can't help it. They make me happy. I love gaguhan moments. I love it when Alden says nice things to me, though I'm not sure if its true. But who cares.

I miss them. And vice versa.

Okay stop. MGAC exam tomorrow at dapat akong mag-aral.

can't get over

Sore throat rocks and hurts. I sound dying when I speak. Summer is just around the corner, but its the freaking cold that adds up to the throat prob.

Today was okay. We had the last day in our Thursday subjects. I'll miss Mr. Rafael Julius Estrada(the man with the brain and sense of humor) and Mr. Mark Ignacio (he always makes me laugh).

We watched The Promise, with Angel Locsin and Richard Gutierrez (hot) in it. The task is to compare it to Wuthering Heights and as usual some parts of the story was changed. I was about to count how many kissing scenes they have and want to ask if their lips didn't sore while doing the movie. Haha.

Then a CBAGA with Brother Gus at the ULS. It was nice to hear him talk about how much he wants to improve La Salle. I felt the sincerity that he do care for the students, especially the scholars. His projects are also great. Kudos Brother President!

The Law make up class will be tomorrow and I'm imagining my heart skipping a beat. Another round in recitation. I thought I was in a boxing ring already knocked out in the first round, then forced to stand for the second.

I put a check on myself for not going out and seeing him/them at night time. Not a bitch anymore. Yeeeha.


And still in LSS with Evidence. The line CAUGHT YOU IN THE ARMS OF ANOTHER was something I can't forget. I can't get over this soooooong.

eat your favorite chocolate

Many people are afraid of alchohol scarcity. Its part of a healthy diet.

I think people tend to drown themselves so they can forget their damned lives. On the contrary, I don't really have a damned life, I just want to drink and dance the night away. I was deeply inspired by the incidents so I decided to change my blog name here. Punch Drunk Love. (with pursing lips)

And part of the title was Love, which is a word that really confuses me because I can't find or feel it. (Or maybe I did at some point of my life).

I've been stressed with this highschool-ish feeling.

You held hands, walked while swaying them, and at the end of the day you're alone and all you got is your phone. On the red corner, is someone afraid of commitment. On the blue corner, is a shadow of those two-timer peeps that you usually see on the streets. The real score was blurred and you get more confused. But who says you should be??? If I were you, I'll just take a bath, eat my favorite chocolate and then forget. At least try to forget because there's no use and definitely no future to look forward to.

There's no love. I was waiting for the right time to say this line. Fuck me and vice versa.

~~~~~

Malat. Paos. Metallica. Yan ang boses ko ngayon. Dahil malamig. Ano ba. Yesterday was Irene's birthday. She kept the alcohol supply level last night. Thank you for keeping us alive.

~~~~~

This is the last day for some of my subjects this term, though it ended up ordinarily.
*Haha I wore the bullet belt in school. Ratatatatat.
*no Global Marketing Plan at all. Yoohoo. Mam Chona is the kindest professor ever!
*we didn't prepare for our defense in Research, and that made my heart skip a beat!
*thanks to the fire drill, we were saved from the supposed to be defense! Hehe
*the how to murder yourself final quiz in MGAC.
*69.8- my MG for MGAC. That's what I got for being a bitch.

Recap. And now its a wrap.

come one, come all

I would like to invite my friends and enemies.
Let's exchange links. Comment here if you want to be a part of Humanity.
Hehe. Thanks.

P.S. I'm so damn happy today. I took my HAPPY PILL. Hahaha

caught you in the arms of another

LSS. Evidence by Urbandub. Watch the video and see blood. Haha. As of this moment my throat hurts. Weh. I don't want to be sick.

Enough cutie pie. Whatsup for me today?
I crammed in doing the Research paper. I mean I really crammed. As if I don't have groupmates. Why do you call it a group when only one person is working, exerting effort ETC??? That's a big why. Or maybe I was wrong for choosing the wrong set of groupmates. How wrong could that be? Huh?!

HEY! HEY! I talked in Psych for the first time. You read it right. Today was the first time I f*ckn recited in Psych and it feeeeels gooood. Hahaha. I got the so many things running in my mind effect that I just blurt out what I think. And tadaaah. Instant grade in the oral quiz. If this happened last Prelim, I probably have supaaah high grades. Haha. I don't really like our professor that much, but a lot changed me today. Boop.

I miss someone and you should put a hammer on my head or splash freezing water on my face.

Blerg!

HELLOOOOOOO??

Is any body home? Baby I'm alive. I badly missed my blog. See the last post was a year ago. Now, I promise to do my duty to update this whenever I'm free. So that will happen from time to time because I'm frequently free. I will update even if nobody reads this. Well, I do. I love reading what I wrote. (who doesn't? haha)

Anyways, let's update my out-of-date life.

It's Complicated--this is my current Friendster status. Because I'm fucking confused of who he was to me. We're not in a relationship, because I don't want to. But the kissing thing makes me feel weird whenever he's around. When he's away, I think of him. I'm crazy, and I'm a bitch because I'm preoccupied by him. Let's not name this guy. (and now I wonder where he is?)

Dirty Little Secrets-- I know many of these. Right now, I was so amazed how a group of friends back and front stabs each other. Its pretty cool right??? Its a challenge to keep the friendship, and pretend nothing's wrong. I mean if you really love your savage friends, be PATIENT and UNDERSTAND WHY THEY HAVE TO BE BITCHES. Beacuse you're also a bitch.
Rockstars and L.I-- I was just a fan and has nothing to do with their love interest slash love life. But it was nice to see them holding hands while swaying them. They seem to be happy and hope they will be happier. Period.


Oral quiz, MGAC make up class and Marketing Research later so I need to sleep.

Blerg!