Be Calm

I'm currently upset about my Friendster account. It sucks. I already verified my e-mail add months ago, and now, they're asking for it? I tried to generate another one but still, it sucks! I don't want to say bad things about the site because its where I also get connected, but if it will stay that way, shit will be the word.

Anyways, the week was gone, we finally, FINALLY FINISHED our RETAIL DEFENSE which is the most dying moment of all. We stood for about 1.5 hours, answering the professor's blah blah blah. But I thank God were done, and I want my stupid classmates to suffer the same as we did. Revenge on Retail next week. We won't know our grade, until every group is finished so it means I'm still hanging up the cliff, of failing.

I'm also sick. Getting sick, so sick (how many sick was that) of my Finance classes. But the topics about the future value of money makes me want to finish the whole Finance book and be rich. Money talk, Beybeh.

I stayed at home the whole day. I waste my time. I think I'm supposed to do many things, but I can't even start any. Sunday tomorrow, I'll see them! Haha. That was a forced HAHA. Because I am getting crazy, again. But I swear I'm controlling myself nowadays. Its hard to be out of control again.

I'm not Stupid

I’ll be talking about Accounting in the first paragraph, so if you get irritated or what, then thank you. My grade was 56% this midterms, higher than 54%, which I got last prelims. Oh yeah, I improved? Shame on me. Tooooooooo lazy to study for quizzes and do my homeworks. Then I’m expecting a high grade. Maybe I should die? I never dreamt of having back subjects! Never ever in my entire life. I feel stressed out, how will I pass? I want to give up, but my heart’s pulling me saying there’s hope, and I should be patient because I will pass. Whoa, I hope mercy and pity can help me out.

Now, let’s talk about my crush. (I love this topic so much!!) Oh how do I hate him? It’s the first time I saw him grasping for air, he hardly breathe, and nearly fainted. I was nervous on what’s gonna happen next. But I guess its just over fatigue and he can get over it. He should and he will be better! Whoa, I worry too much about him/them, but I don’t worry about myself, the family matters, and the retail plan.

Maybe I’ll worry, if they’ll give me the chance. My brain is puzzling in a maze. How rude was that? Oh yeah, sleep is the answer. I got that.

Trees

Oh yeah they came and performed in our school, which makes me freakin’ happy. But I jumped and sang alone because my partner in crime wasn’t there. It was a nice performance though they were hurrying up for their next gig. I love the band. Leche. The appreciation was overwhelming. And let’s go insane. Yayayayayay.

So here’s Kean Cipriano with the trees above him. I like this shot. I wish they can go back and finally have a picture with him, in uniform. HAHAHA. Now, I'm saying goodnight and hoping to see them again, tomorrow.

Super Crush

A wonderful surprise happened to me today, oh cmon. He went online. I was strucked when I signed in my ym and he happened to invite me to join the confe. I was so excited. POTA BWISET BAKIT MAY GANUN!? It feels like the first time! I can’t get off this kilig chuva chenes so what you may call it! I feel so cheap being head over heels whenever I see signs of him, and the band. I want to know how long would I feel this, how long can I sustain fooling myself that he was just one of my crushes, and we can never be together because I’m just a psycho bitch, and he's in another level of the world!! I’m screwed to this feeling, and oh my, every night I burst my emotions. Can’t help talking about him, and them! Oh well, I hope I can get over this stupid, freaky, yucky feeling inside my pathetic heart!!! And add up the blame to my dry brain. Good night. I want to kiss myself for making these stupid realizations, because I will see him/them again tomorrow.

Where's my Valentine?

I am mean, I want lovers to go to hell because it's Valentines day. HHWW. Sweetness on the road, flowers there and here. Oh yeah lovers sitting under the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. I’m sorry for being ugly and jealous. Hahaha. But I stand up for all the single people, being single rocks, but sometimes sucks! Period.

Moving on, my day wasn’t really interesting. I didn’t come to Reed class, but I woke up early. I felt so heavy and lazy this morning, and the bad thing is they had a seatwork. Bull. Shit. But the truth is I don’t really care about Reed!!! I just can’t get Accounting and Retail off my head, I’m risking my life about failing and that’s what makes me sad. Aside from my own problem, my family has something to deal with these past few days. I hate family problems and I’m not used to it. I won’t get used to it. NEVER. So, I’ll just laugh about it, hoping that one day, everything will be alright. Sometimes I hate my life, it keeps on repeatin, and I can't f*cking move on!!! I can't let my family go to hell, I'll be there alone.

I want to shout out loud again. That’s what makes me fine. I don’t want to cry anymore. I hate drama and I'm avoiding dramatic tv programs because they suck!! I hope this will be the last time. I am emotional. I need to do something to get this off my f*cking mind and right now I really don’t care about anyone. I also hate myself for having the will to post an entry, while I can't even make a one-page f*cking reaction paper!!!! Oh yeah, I'm shivering, I hate the world!! F*CK ALL OF YOU!! I want Friday. Callalily will play at DLSU-D. That made my freakin’ face smile.

But still my heart’s in a hot soup, and its drowning.

I'm in hell if I don't wake up from this deep sleep.

Jesse

My head’s breaking. I don't get normal sleep. But I can’t blame anyone, it’s my own choice to break my head, and my heart’s a little cracked. Happy Valentines Day, Beybey. I won’t waste my f*cking time thinking about you, I’ll just love other people. Hmmmp.

I bet February 12 was one of my lucky days. Callalily in the house, not in my house, I mean in my brain’s house. Hahaha. They played at the conference, and the Vip room was unforgettable, he asked me if di ako nagsasawa sa kanila, kasi parang kahapon lang daw. I shook my head saying NO. Not yet. I don't want to end this. Or are they "sawa" na sa pagmumukha ko? Tsk tsk. Oh, I loooove that night at Mayric’s. I can’t get Kean’s giling, hawak, sampa sa bakal, pamatay moves off my head! If my phone wasn’t useless, I might have that on video. Let’s say shit to that. Someone’s been getting all the energy that night! Whoever you are!! Die! Moving on to Chicosci’s set. I’m not a huge Chicosci fan, I don’t hate them though, just in the middle. But their set was also greeeeeat. Miggy Chavez is a REAL person and I love that because he says bad words while holding the mic. P*t*ngna raw ni Jesse McCartney. Biglang banat ng chorus ng Just so You Know!! HAHAHA. Grabe. Super tawa ako, isa syang bakla. At bading ang banda ni Miggy. And oh, Mong was really cute. Nice haircut. He looked younger, and sweeter, more lovable, and everything. It was also a nice night because I went there with Rhozie, after a week of not seeing each other, but we go to gigs on representations, because our schedules were crazy. Anyways, I missed the UP Fair tonight, which supposed to be, is one of the major events to go to. I can’t do anything but stare at the ceiling.

Here are some of the pictures taken that awful but awesome night. They are well, self explanatory.

I hope I will get enought sleep this week. I don't want to die. Do you?

Two

At this moment I feel so distressed. I just have to publish what’s in my dry brain. So I can empty it, and put something on tomorrow.

Let’s start the story telling of my favorite thing to do: see bands. Went to MOA with Cherry and Yem. Oh yeah gurl bonding. Ferdie can’t come due to certain circumstances which I won’t tell you anymore. Moving on, we went there to watch Callalily and Pupil because they will be playing at the Animax Event. And so they played. Callalily played a HOT set, because the sun was so hot. Shit. But I still stood in front of the stage, take pics, shout, and jumped a little, more pics and smile. The routine. I didn’t have my gigmate beside me so I did these things alone and I don’t care if you talk about me daughters-of-bitches-sitting-on-a-tree! HAHAHAHA. And moving on again, Pupil. Rarr! They’re so great, too. Ely Buendia is definitely a legend. They played 2 Eheads songs and the crowd really enjoyed it. We want to take pictures with him, we were starstrucked and shivering, he was kind though. How weird to feel these emotions whenever someone so famous is in front of you. Corny, but I do feel that! Ew. Hahaha.

ELY Buendia

For today, I was supposed to watch the Southmall album tour, but it was cancelled. Good to know that they’ll be playing in SM Bacoor, so I just went there with my sister. Heeeee. Bonding. Callalily arrived around 6pm. Then they played, and just repeat what I always do. But I was not so happy about this show because the people are zombies!!! Dead energy level! I’m trying to make them alive, and as if I could, so I just did my thing, and I hope the band appreciated that. But after all, not all gigs turned out to be happy, or am I the one who’s not happy because of them? Rarrrrr.

But I love that band. Really.

Soooo, that means I'll be seeing them again tomorrow at the CAMP and probably at Mayrics, which is still, undecided.

Oh. I just feel empty, useless, dry, dying, disgraced crap! I don’t know why I feel this way. Is it because of you? Carry the load, its too heavy for me. =[

Not funny

I am sad. I feel so heavy. I wasn’t able to watch the band play in Club O tonight. So I’m here thinking about what’s happening there and I’m getting crazy. Are you happy now? You made me crazy and you can turn my boring world whenever you want to. Haha. Funny.

I have reasons to smile today, but I can’t even do it. Advertising grades were given and to my surprise, I passed. Thank God, He saved my life. Got the Fina midterm exam results. My score wasn’t that bad. I felt great because that’s what I got from studying not so hard. How I wish all my exam results feel this way? I’m confident about my grades, and I don’t have to say goodbye to the university.

Went to the wake of Ferdie’s mom, and felt guilty after leaving because all we did was laugh and make noise. Sorry Tita, May your soul R.I.P.

Time to end this post. I’ll just close my eyes and shut my mind and not think of them because I’ll see them tomorrow. I hope.

Kalikasan

Badtrip. I just noticed that I’m often in a badtrip mode these days. I hate mood swings. I get mad at the people around me, whether they do something or not, I just go crazy, stupid and freak. Well, sorry for the inconvenience. My brain’s still, uhm, whatever. I wish it’ll repair soon.

Gigs! Or may be I’m upset because of gigs! Syet. I can’t come to the LoveRocked event. Reason? Let’s say I’m still finding a reason. Anyways, here’s the latest gig I went to, or they went to our school. Nice. Typecast, The Ambassadors and Urbandub. I put my hands down. It’s one of the most rocking events in our campus. And I know, there will be more. There should be more! I was really starstrucked when I saw GABBY ALIPE, the Urbandub vox, I don’t know why. Or maybe he’s just different from other vocalists. The Typecast people are obviously not so fond of taking pictures, or hindi lang sila palangiti? Pero pumayag pa rin naman sila and thanks to that. Basta they’re GRREEEAAATTT. Okay? I hope you got that. You know my happiness =)

I'm going down, down

I want to die again. Yeah, I always want to, I just want to, I don’t know.I feel useless again. I always do. I laugh everytime, to drain out my problems, but it stays here in my heart. Rarr. Here’s the equation of what I’m saying:

49 (1st shit) + 42.70(shit) = 91.7

180 - 91.7= 88.3(3rd SUPPOSED TO BE SHIT)

I just need to get that 3rd supposed to be shit, so that I can smile and laugh again with my whole heart. Or else just kill myself brutally? I don’t want to study anymore, if I failed a subject, that’s what I said to myself. I really feel bad today. I just don’t want to fail. :((

Shame on ME. What's happening to my brain?

I'm logging off now. I want to feel great tomorrow. I really want to.

Let's be Okay

Reco day. We’re supposed to be in the chapel as early as 6:15am, I arrived at 6:55am, and the bus left around 7am. Wasting no time for late comers, the policy they were saying!!! That’s why Ferdie was left behind. Syet yun ha. I witnessed the dramatic scene of a person running after the bus, which I thought can be only seen in movies. Syet. Ulit. We were so sad about that. But we can’t do anything. So we just forced ourselves to enjoy the day. And we did. More pictures and laughs.

The night before the Reco. This night was memorable, for the 2nd time (and I'm talking about i again!!), *toot toot* was on the line! OL. Haha. Syet. And like what he usually does, he invited us for a conference, and that simple invitation made my heart skip a beat. Hahaha. But I felt he’s so naughty that night. Don’t know. I just felt it, Beybey! Hahaha. He loved that word. I’m gonna love it too. We chatted for 1.5 hours I think? And I guess that’s enough to spare me from the loneliness I felt last Sunday, which was also, uhmm, about him, and them. A few minutes ago they were on tv, replay of the show I was supposed to watch but I ended up sleeping on the couch. Buti may replay.

Now, the Final Terms is officially starting. Rarr. I’m feeling so nervous. I don’t want to attend my Accounting Classes anymore. I don’t want to see my midterm grade, I wonder if my prof has a grade to give me. I feel brainless, senseless, no-use-but-existing someone whenever I think of my performance in class. *Headaches.

I want to vanish here, with you.

Bright Side

Yeah. Ganun pala yun. Kaya pala parang badtrip kaninang umaga, e ngayon naman pala ko magiging masaya. Tangna.

I wanna scream. Really. Bakit ba ganito ang nararamdaman ko syet nilalamig yung paa at kamay ko, sa twing may kaganapang ganun? Pangalawa na to, mashado naman akong maswerte sa panahong ito. Alam kong hindi lang kami ang tao sa mundong yon, pero parang may kakaiba talaga. Hay syet. Ang lakas. Grabe yung tama sa puso? Yakkk eto na naman ako. Bakit di ako matigil sa mga pangarap ko? Oh sige na. Wala kang pakealam libre lang mangarap. At yun ang trip ko. Siya ang trip ko. Hahaha. Minsan feeling ko napakababa na ng level na dapat puntahan, at parang ako pa yung bumababa dun. Ew. Pwede ba. Pero basta. Eto yun e. Paksyet.

Anung oras na hindi pa rin ako natutulog, daig ko na naman ang nagpunta sa gig. Hindi ako makatulog. Hindi na ko matutulog. Ayoko na. Hindi na naman sya maalis sa isip ko. Ang corny ko. Ang corny ko. Mamatay na ko. Tapos mamaya sasakit ang ulo ko sa bus. Recollection pa naman mamaya. Baka makatulog ako sa harap nila. Hay. Pero wala na kong pakealam kahit kanino, bukod sa ming dalawa. Wow. As if alam nya? Hahaha. Hay. Sana may magandang mangyari sakin bukas, sana hindi na sya badtrip bukas! Yeah, Beybey! Para kong engot. Hindi naman sya yung gusto ko kinikilig ako? Anuvahh?

Nasa Wazzup sila bukas. Uuwi ako agad para dun

Bakit sa twing may yellow smiley nagagalak ako??

Life's not a joke

Yehey. Finally, midterms is over. I want to shout out loud to the world, that I’m failing! Whooohooo! It feels damn great. I’m crazy. So what happened to my precious life these past few days? I’ll state them randomly.
Cancelled Miquel’s Bar. Sabi ni Rhozie cancelled daw kasi sabi ni *toot*. Okay fine. Di ako lumabas that night so naburo ako dito sa bahay. Hay. And hey, I’m sad about Ferdie’s mom. She’s in coma right now. Sana gumaling naman sya. I swear, sa two years ata naming pagkasama ni Ferdie ay ngayon ko lang sya nakitang umiyak. But don’t worry, friends are just around, and you got many. Habang may buhay may pag-asa. And we’ll keep praying for your mom’s recovery. Ayoko na idetail. Masyadong sad eh :( Basta I learned that we have to take life seriously, pag nastuck ka sa ganung situation, kahit may mga handa pang tumulong, iba pa rin eh. Life is short, tell them you love them, tell them you care, before its too late. Do whatever you want and enjoy. Live life to the fullest. Mahal ang buhay. Yun lang.

Went to the clinic and had my braces adjusted. Hay. Torture. Aray. Pero relax ang pagkatao ko dahil walang gig na hinahabol. Nakaupo pa ko sa MRT nun ha. Nasan ba kasi yung Automall Ortigas na yon? Grrr. Peste!!

Future plans. Nababaliw na ba ko? Or masyado lang akong futuristic? Nakaschedule na ang buhay ko, at base yun sa gig sked ng Callalily? Wow. Ang saya noh? Yung planner ko sila ang nakalagay? Buhay ko ba sila? Siguro. Pero hindi pa nakasked kung kelan matitigil ang kalokohan sa buhay. Hay. Sana matuloy lahat ng nakaschedule! Rarrr kung hindi! Eto ang isang plan for tomorrow, we’ll watch SOP Live! Dahil guest ang Callalily. Sana magtagumpay kami sa plano sa buhay.

I’ll sleep again, if you will let me.

beta?

*toot toot toot*

bakit may ganto pang nalalaman? sanay ako sa old blogger. SYET.

Reasoning

I’m feeling weird today. Or am I always feeling this? Oh yeah wala lang to.

You’re the reason behind my sleepless nights.

You’re the reason why my eye bags are getting heavier.

You’re the reason why I can’t study my lessons and now I’m failing a major subject.

You’re the reason why I can’t think normally.

You’re the reason why my wallet is empty.

You’re the reason why I’m hungry and thirsty.

You’re the reason why I am crazy.

You’re the reason for my insanity.

You’re the reason of my misery.

You’re the reason why I posted this.

You’re the reason why I’m still awake.

You’re the reason why I want to sleep and wake up again.

You’re the reason why I’m living.

So many reasons, but I can’t stand up for one.

I’ll sleep and forget about you. I’ll think of you tomorrow.